This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author's own.

Community Corner

Domestic Violence Survivors Speak Out

On the second annual Day of Remembrance, the county and various faith groups honored the victims of domestic abuse.

Evelyn Quinteros did a very brave thing on Thursday: she tied her hair up.

For years, her abusive husband had hit her with a car chain, dragged her by her hair and thrown her down the stairs, sending her on multiple trips to the hospital, some visits that she doesn’t even remember. 

“I never tied my hair up because it would be easier for him to pull,” Quinteros said.

Find out what's happening in Millbraewith free, real-time updates from Patch.

“But today, I did it. I tied my hair up,” she happily smiled with a swish of her ponytail.

She had escaped this abusive relationship after multiple suicidal attempts and a long line of unhealthy relationships with her male family members as well. She had lost her virginity at the age of four after her father’s best friend raped her.

Find out what's happening in Millbraewith free, real-time updates from Patch.

And Thursday, she was able to regale her long, but ultimately successful, journey out of abuse.

But Quinteros is in the minority of abuse victims. Most don’t live to tell their stories of triumph, or are currently battling the abuse at home. San Mateo County has lost 20 men, women and children to domestic violence in the past 10 years, according to Supervisor Rose Jacobs-Gibson.

The second annual Day of Remembrance held at the  on Thursday honored those who are no longer with us with a bell chiming as each name was read.

 

Domestic Violence Over the Years

Supervisor Jacobs-Gibson spearheaded this event after fellow supervisor Alice Lai-Bitker from Alameda County started the event.

“There’s been increasing awareness, but it isn’t something we can talk about everyday,” said Supervisor Jacobs-Gibson of organizing this particular event for the victims. 

Supervisor Don Horsley jointly organized the event, familiar with the heinous domestic abuse cases while he served in law enforcement.

“I saw a case where the victim had her eyes gouged out,” Horsley said. “It just burns your soul to see this.”

In San Mateo County, domestic violence is an “equal opportunity” crime, said Tanisha Hughes of the county support agency Community Overcoming Relationship Abuse (CORA). Domestic violence does not discriminate by race, socioeconomic status or faith.

“I was involved in a case with a guy from a Fortune 500 company,” Horsley said of the range of abusers.

But the common thread amongst all cases is the victims’ reluctance to reach out for help. The shame and guilt are often as strong as the abuser’s hand pulling the victim’s hair.

 

There Is Help

The county has several programs to provide information and support the victims, such as CORA, the county’s Domestic Violence Council, and Peninsula Family Service (see attached pdf for dozens of organizations). The biggest hurdle is encouraging victims to break their silence, step out of their isolation and reach out for help.

But often times a hotline is not the first resource that victims reach out to, which is why the county has been encouraging faith-based organizations to publicize their domestic violence support programs.

At the Day of Remembrance, a Father, Rabbi and Imam all offered their condolences as well as services that their organizations provided. Because churches, synagogues or mosques are often the first place of comfort and solace, encouraging collaboration with these organizations is a high priority for the county, Supervisor Jacobs-Gibson said.

Speaker Melvishia Gaines, whose mother was violently stabbed to death in 1998 by her husband, said that as a community, we all need to extend a hand to anyone we suspect might be suffering from abuse.

“It burdens me that you had to do it alone,” Gaines said to Quinteros. “We all need to open our homes and our hearts because it’s just the right thing to do.”

 

Organizations Offering Support

Community Overcoming Relationship Abuse (CORA)

(650) 312-8515, 24 hour hotline

(800) 300-1080, Toll Free 24 hour hotline

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE

District Attorney’s Office, Domestic Violence Victim Advocate in:

Redwood City (650) 599-7330

South San Francisco (650) 877-5797

Domestic Violence Council

Meets 4th Thursday every other month, 3:00 PM - 4:30 PM, 5th Floor, 455 County Center, Redwood City

View the attached pdf for more services and organizations in San Mateo County.

We’ve removed the ability to reply as we work to make improvements. Learn more here

The views expressed in this post are the author's own. Want to post on Patch?